My fav Houseisms

“I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?”

“Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up.”

“Nobel invented dynamite. I won't accept his blood money.”

“You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.”

“That's absurd. I love it.”

“The drugs don't make me high, they make me neutral.”

“You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a... [pauses] I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.”

“I'm a little busy - gettin' my drink on.”

“Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.”

“I am the doctor who's trying to save your son's life. You're the mother who's letting him die. Clarification- it's a beautiful thing.”

“[Answering Newsweek's phone call about Dr. Charles' condition] In my opinion, Dr. Sebastian Charles is an idiot! Yeah, you can quote me... C-U-D-D-Y.”

“[To Cameron at Christmas]
Candy canes? Are you trying to mock me?”

“I take risks, sometimes patients die, but not taking risks causes more patients to die - so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.”

“[To Foreman]
Her leg hurts after running six miles. Who knows? Could be anything.”

“Treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.”

“[Talking to a patient about suing doctors] It's ironic, isn't it? Sort of like the boy who sued wolf... you know, I bet we have a doctor named Wolf. How perfect would that be? I'm gonna page him.”

“Bros before hos, man.”

“How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?”

“Everybody lies.”

"You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they're going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat."

"People like talking about people. Makes us feel superior. Makes us feel in control. And sometimes, for some people, knowing some things makes them care."

"Men are pigs. [They will] pretty much have sex with anyone, fat, skinny, married, single, complete strangers, relatives."

"Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly. Always. You can live with dignity, we can't die with it."

"Patients always want proof, we're not making cars here, we don't give guarantees."

"Tests take time. Treatment's quicker."

"Pretty much all the drugs I prescribe are addictive and dangerous."

"Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots cause we can't figure out what's causing it."

"You know what's worse than useless? Useless and oblivious."

"Tell a surgeon it's okay to cut a leg off and he's going to spend the night polishing his good hacksaw.... they care about their patients. They just care about themselves more. Which is not an unreasonable position. Trying to maximize the tissue you save also maximizes the chances of something going wrong. Which means you've gotta be extra careful. Which is such a pain in the ass."

"Welcome to the end of the thought process."

"...the answer...to life itself: Sex."

"...the fact that the sexual pleasure center of your cerebral cortex has been over-stimulated by spirochetes is a poor basis for a relationship. Learned that one the hard way."

"There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function."

"In this universe effect follows cause. I've complained about it but—" [

"The treatments don't always work. Symptoms never lie."

thirteen: this is Dr. House. He's too brilliant for introductions.






*Thanks to http://thinkexist.com/quotes/dr._gregory_house/ and http://www.housemd-guide.com/characters/houserules.php for the quotes which I soo thoroughly enjoy....