Forgive me Jules, for I know not what I'm doing...




A man with a fractured leg, a lady whose hands cant stop trembling, a boy hurling abuses is hidden in the corner by his bashful mother and then there's me. Why would a doctor go to another doctor you may ask? Well the fact is not all doctors are demi-gods, diseases get to them and once it does all you can do is hope and wait that another person helps you out of the dump.I sit and wait near the nurses desk. "The doctor will be right with you" she said. Not something that I'm not used to. I'm sure the patients who used to sit outside my waiting room also experienced the same. I guess they are on to you when you have visited as many times as I have.

I've known Marc since high school. The best of friends, us both. We used to go for football practice together, dated twin sisters, played video-games, the works. Seeing him at Hopkins was the least I expected for he had never mentioned it to me neither the fact that it was me who had inspired him to choose medicine and I was glad he did. We ended up being roommates and everything went well from day one.

Everything about medicine fascinated me no end. All the drugs with their fancy formulas and recipes, the functioning of each part of the body, the repair involved during surgery, it was all in my blood as probably Edward Cullen of Twilight would say "my own personal brand of heroin." Like him, I too had found mine.

I cant say when my disease started. Probably the day, Jules was born. She was beautiful. Her blue eyes, porcelain skin, breathtaking. But I then found myself taking a bit too much interest in her health. What would you expect you'd say? Every father dreams of nothing but the best for his daughter, but too much of care was what I had. Like a carnivorous bacteria, it ate me up each time she had a simple cold or slight temperature. Nothing but the best for my daughter I said.

I found myself taking her regularly to the pediatrician, who later got fed up or me and behaved rudely the next time I had arrived. This continued some more and many doctors later I had finally found someone I could trust, Marc Dillon, my hero.But he too noticed I was far more worried than usual for Jules. "I know it pains you Jo, but you really don't need to bring Jules here for simple stuff like this. Loading her with medicines isn't good for her." I just used to sit there and cry till he got fed up and prescribed the pills to me.

And then one day, Jules really did become sick and it didn't stop with the meds. I knew the best thing I could do was to make it all stop. What father would like to see his baby go through all that suffering. Filling in the bath tub with water. I waited contemplating what I was doing and deep down I knew something was wrong when I held my beautiful baby deep down in the tub, waiting for the bubbles to stop and when they did, I knew my job was done. I had made my baby happy, no more suffering....

Her funeral was beautiful. All those people, comforting me and saying that everything was going to be alright felt strangely exhilarating, her death made me happy with all the attention I was receiving.I was sick, your honor. I had killed my baby and I knew it...

Minutes later, I hurl in my seat at court. The officers take me away. I'm waiting for my sentence now. Perhaps I could meet Jules once more and tell her how much I really loved her. How much I really cared about her and that it was her daddy who was sick and not her and ask for forgiveness...


** Münchausen syndrome by proxy - injury is deliberately and gradually inflicted upon another person usually for gaining attention or some other benefit.Münchausen by proxy is a form of child abuse.The caregiver is usually a parent, guardian, or spouse, and the victim is usually a child or vulnerable adult. (Source - Wikipedia)

5 comebacks:

findingmywingsinlife said...

I assume this is yet another fictional story..very thought provoking and emotional. It hurt to read it, but that's why I think its good. You get your readers involved.

Djarabia said...

yes, another imaginary creation. I could have written more but it'll probably border sadism. But in the end it's a disease which needs quick attention to prevent losses.

Denizen said...

whoa...

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Carl said...

Thank you : ) thats very encouraging to know...

 

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