Result : Fail

Yes... that's what it said at the bottom of the report sheet. Fail as in failure to cope up with the rest... Fail as in unable to fill my answer sheets with precious mental vomit... Fail as in being separated from the rest... Yes, that's what I felt and repeatedly told myself in the likely events to follow my arrival back in college.

Whining during prayers is also another thing I've noticed I do. Why him Jesus? I'm sure I'm better than HIM. But no, He never listens and I'm still stuck in my Failure's paradise.

"Hey, we're sorry about what happened. How you feeling now?" the pity talk was inevitable. They didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to react. So i guess we were all in the same boat except mine would take off 6 months later. Many tears and advise later I said to myself "To hell with them, I can manage. All I need to do right now is study real hard and make it through."

And fortunately that's what happened. Four years down the line, its results time for the "regulars" and they each pass with their steths proudly hung around their napes, I stand and watch them. "Why couldn't I be there?" If only this was a stupid nightmare, I could pinch myself free from. But no, this my friend was reality, smacking me right in my cherubic ( well depression does arouse hunger, I'm sure you'll are well versed with that physiological phenomenon) face.

So i thought there must me others who have had been in the same position, so i browse the net for quotes which they would have inevitably given the secret of getting over failure. So this is what i found

Ashley Montague: The deepest human defeat suffered by human beings is constituted by the difference between what one was capable of becoming and what one has in fact become.

Elaine Maxwell: My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.

Yes i know. Both very encouraging and very happy go lucky but not the case when you experience it.

I guess I should get to studies now. The burden increasing and my mind space decreasing...

Aaaarrrggghhh.... Jus pass me already...